Welcome back Kotter, indeed!

Head full. Body slightly shaky. Many thoughts chase away the sleep with a smile. One resounding sentiment surfaces...

IT IS FINISHED.

Flynn McArthur Blackmore has arrived- 7pound 1 on Monday morning 12 July at 11:20am.

"Free at last, Free at last, Thank God almighty i'm free at last"


The pregnancy was nothing short of traumatic but the birth was beautiful. A moment of fullness, ripe and complete. I will blog my birth story very soon i promise but for now know that it was extremely good. Today i just wanted to dance over the delicious little things that have crossed my sleepy mind this morning....

- Okay my son is smelly. Who knew such a small bundle could fart with such potency? Flynn, i love you but you stink.-
- Mooo! woke up to wet rings of milkyness on my t-shirt. Hhhhm, milk's early. Happened last time. Totally forgot and suddenly
memories of that moment come flooding back to me. Sitting on my bed chattering away with my mother-in-law. It was a
shock then but today it's a comfort. An old familiar friend returning.-
- I can drink tea again! I can drink it without needing to throw up after! And for that matter i can drink booze and eat cheese
and freakin eat whatever i want whenever without fear of nausea or heartburn or indigestion.Thank you body.-

And lastly, God has never left me nor forsaken me. Never once, the whole 9 months. Even into the birth....especially into the birth. I feel fortified from the inside. Filled with God's strength for surviving 9 months of darkness.

Free at last, Free at last, Thank God almighty i'm free at last.

Secret Women's Business

So i have a million thoughts running through my mind these days.
About Labour
Babies
Birthing
Women

How to get them out in a succinct way? I'll start like this...

I was at a women's group full of mums the other day and i made the comment " I wish other women had talked more about birth to me before i had my baby". The reply came thick and fast " Would you really want to know about all that pain?" "People only tell their bad birth stories" "It would scare you way too much". The truth is i was really looking forward to labour with my first baby in that unprepared way that only a first time mother can be. But i thought "Why don't women tell their stories?". It's true that the most vocal are always relaying stories of inductions and 36 hour labours and horrible hospital experiences. Yet i find myself still asking, Why don't women tell their stories? Maybe we have medicalised and hospitalised birth so much that only the stories that are full of drama are worth the telling. What about the simple labours? the quick labours? the unexpected labours? the different, calm or beautiful labours? Where are the collective stories about them?

I am sick and tired of labour and women's sexuality being secret women's business.

In fact not even women really talk about these things so i guess it's more like secret woman business.

Birth is the pinnacle of a women's sexuality. Birth is the perfect expression of the love between a husband and a wife. Birth is about family. It needn't be hushed or swept under the carpet or left for a few women to discuss. It should be collective knowledge.

Listen men, rise up and be strong and take your god given place in the birthing experience.
Women, let's begin simply. Tell our stories......

The way to his heart.

One of my sweetest memories of primary school is coming home to find my mum making pikelets. She would be standing in our kitchen cooking them on the big electric frypan singing "I've got pikelets hot off the griddle" Hot, sweet pikelets dripping with butter and jam are the best afternoon tea a kid could ask for.

So, i decided to make pikelets with Harry yesterday. Our first venture into cooking together, i was a little unsure how this would go. He shook with excitement at the suggestion and eagerly hopped up onto the "big" chair to do some mixing. To my great suprise he actually followed my directions to "pour this in here" and "mix this together" without much drama. Though when my back was turned i did see him shove a whole handful of flour in his mouth! I even got out the big electric frypan to cook them just like my mum (doing them any other way didn't seem right!). I left Harry licking batter off the wooden spoon as i submerged the mixture in hot, sizzling butter. They were delicious! Harry and i sat at the table and nattered like two old ladies and munched and crunched the pikelets until they were all gone. It was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon together.

And all you feel now is the scarlet in the day....

So i'm sitting here, having many more braxton-hicks contractions than i think is decent at 28 weeks, and pondering what has unfolded in my life this week.

To start with, i finally acknowledged that i have been suffering from pregnancy related depression. It came on me a little over 2 weeks ago like a soft, sad blanket and refused to leave. I do not like this depression. I do not like its heaviness. I do not like its stubborness to budge despite my best efforts. It rolls over me, wave after wave. On monday i finally cracked and realised "I can't cope with this. I need help" .
So, i prayed and i made a doctor's appointment. That day ended with me having had a long meeting with my doctor, a sobbing phone call to a mental health crisis centre, a rather calm phone call to my hospital's mental health assessment team and a short phone call to a new psychiatrist.
I was scared.
I knew i needed medication to correct this imbalance in my brain but at what cost?
What would taking it do to my baby?
How could i live with myself if my baby was born suffering withdrawals or side affects?
I knew that i had to go to God with it. God knew my pain. God knew the medical help i had sought and God would guide me into the hands of the right decision makers like the gentle and loving Father that he is. So i gave my mental health, my baby and my situation into his hands.

Peace.

It turns out that my new psychiatrist is wonderful. I can take a certain medication to help me during this time and i suddenly have the full support of an extensive team of health professionals that include my psychiatrist, doctor, pharmacist and midwife.

Peace.

Now to the pesky business of my blood results-
low iron; easy!
possible gestational diabetes; God's got it!

God's got me, he's got me, he's got me, he's got me....

I love my mother-in-law. Sitting at her house, on her computer pondering just how very lovely she is. So, thought i'd post a picture of her and my firstborn son, Harry Jesse. xx

Women with great blogs inspire me,
To keep moving, to keep seeing my almond branch every day.
I'm at home alone with children yet connected to a bigger sisterhood.
Something that is creative and loving and peaceful and fresh.

Birth stories, a new recipe, tie dyed singlets, a birthday cake.... i love our tribe.

Easter Traditions...(for lack of a witty title)

I love tradition. So does my hubby.

We go through phases of traditions in our family life. Like "British Night" that ran for a good year every saturday night. It consisted of watching one of my now all time favourite shows "Doc Martin" followed by "The Bill" and eating a turkish meal of grilled lamb, homemade hummous and pita bread. We've had "Pizza Night", "Family Fun Night" and"Bacon-and-eggs-on-a-saturday-morning-while-watching-video-hits". Traditions give meaning and depth to a family. I think children especially find security in the pattern and routine of traditions.

So i'm pondering my Easter traditions today being Good friday and all.

Sometimes i do Lent. I'm not Catholic but i just love the idea of it. One year i gave up trash mags for Lent when i was a big gym junkie. It made me listen to more podcasts and sermons on my ipod and was altogether an enriching experience. It made me remember that the things written in those magazines are a chasing after the wind. The transient, the mask, the matrix.

I nearly always watch the tv series "Brides of Christ". A fantastic Aussie drama series made nearly 20 years ago now! With brilliant actresses like Josephine Byrnes, Naomi Watts, Sandy Gore and Kym Wilson it always makes me love God and love Aussie film making. Really, you should watch it. Its all about women passionately loving God and trying to understand the catholic church back in the 60's. Some of my very favourite themes.

I try to remember to start reading one of the Gospels a few weeks before Easter. This year i forgot (oops! Too busy reading Jon's Jail Journal blog- check it out!) But i find that reading a gospel leading up to Easter helps me to emotionally situate myself over the period.

Of course there's always a few family lunches, some easter egg eating and this year hubby and i have decided to watch "The Passion". Plus the very important fact of going to church on Easter morning. I love celebrating jesus. I love how happy everyone is, how jubilant the singing, how festive the mood. It's such a stark contrast from the sombre mood of Good Friday.

But that's the point really. Jesus died but remains alive. He took my place in the prison of sin but yet remains victorious. He went to Hell and yet remains free.

I love what he did for me. Who would do that?

Thank you Jesus for Easter, for all its traditions, for its meaning and mostly for you.