So i'm sitting here, having many more braxton-hicks contractions than i think is decent at 28 weeks, and pondering what has unfolded in my life this week.
To start with, i finally acknowledged that i have been suffering from pregnancy related depression. It came on me a little over 2 weeks ago like a soft, sad blanket and refused to leave. I do not like this depression. I do not like its heaviness. I do not like its stubborness to budge despite my best efforts. It rolls over me, wave after wave. On monday i finally cracked and realised "I can't cope with this. I need help" .
So, i prayed and i made a doctor's appointment. That day ended with me having had a long meeting with my doctor, a sobbing phone call to a mental health crisis centre, a rather calm phone call to my hospital's mental health assessment team and a short phone call to a new psychiatrist.
I was scared.
I knew i needed medication to correct this imbalance in my brain but at what cost?
What would taking it do to my baby?
How could i live with myself if my baby was born suffering withdrawals or side affects?
I knew that i had to go to God with it. God knew my pain. God knew the medical help i had sought and God would guide me into the hands of the right decision makers like the gentle and loving Father that he is. So i gave my mental health, my baby and my situation into his hands.
Peace.
It turns out that my new psychiatrist is wonderful. I can take a certain medication to help me during this time and i suddenly have the full support of an extensive team of health professionals that include my psychiatrist, doctor, pharmacist and midwife.
Peace.
Now to the pesky business of my blood results-
low iron; easy!
possible gestational diabetes; God's got it!
God's got me, he's got me, he's got me, he's got me....
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Oh Beabea. Huge (((Hugs))). I so hear you and applaud you for going and doing something about it!!! I tried to deny mine for WAY TOO LONG and it made for a long awful sad time for my family.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad for taking medication to get better. It's an illness and you need to treat it. I took meds when I was pregnant with Asha and she wasn't born with anything like withdrawals. What she was born with (and what Joshua ended up with when I finally got medicated) was a mummy who was calm and ENJOYED being their mummy.
Aww, I just wish I could give you a hug. After your awful vomits, I so feel for you on this road. Just remember, this too will pass. It doesn't last for ever. And God is good, medication, depression or no.
I am so proud of you for being so brave and courageous... low iron? My blood tests came back showing I had elevated iron... could you and I be more opposite???
ReplyDeletelove ya xx
ps can't wait for Sunday night... what's Mark cooking for me....
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this Bea. God really spoke to me through this post this morning.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are in my prayers a lot- love you all!